Sometimes I am overwhelmed by my reaction to Samantha. I can't believe what good fortune came my way to bring her into my life. Lately when I feed her, she holds the bottle with one hand and reaches up into my hair with the other. She lightly threads her hand through my hair, as though it reassures her that I am still there. Of course there are those moments when she grabs a handful and yanks, but I just take her hand away for a second, tell her no, and she stops yanking. She also often helps me with getting her dressed by pushing her arm through the sleeve and with her diaper by putting her legs straight when I need her to. She is very helpful most of the time. Tonight she cried for a half-hour until I managed to sing louder than she cried and she fell reluctantly asleep. I have no idea what was wrong, but my t-shirt was wet from her tears by the time she was done.

I sing you are my sunshine to her a lot. It makes me think of Emily too, and I feel like I have both my girls with me for a moment.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey, you never know, dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away.

Sometimes I think I am asking God to let me keep Samantha, and today, I smiled, because I was singing to her to smile just a little bit longer. Such a simple song to have so many meanings. I also have fun with the tune. Because it is so simple, I can add lots of country rills to it, sing it over and over and make each time a little bit different. It seems to soothe her, in any case.