First Halloween. Everyone had a great time. I went to visit our neighbors, Ann and Michel and John and Mark. They really enjoyed seeing Samantha and marveled at how big she is. Ann said she would be able to come over and visit now that her knee is marginally better, which will be nice. I now understand why parents take their kids out for trick or treating. It's fun to share the joy.

Ella ate two of the grease pencils and Sam wouldn't sit still for me to draw, so the fish on her face came out kind of blurry. She still looked great. I took a lot of pictures, and I need to try to set up the web site. I just need Sam to sleep to a reasonable time in the morning so I am not so exhausted. I end up napping myself when she sleeps.

O happy morn! I got to sleep until 5:30 this morning! Forgive me. I was just reading snippets of Walt Whitman and it seems to be warping my brain. Why doesn't someone create a children's book out of real poetry with nice pictures to go with the poems? I would love to read something that actually is well written.

Anyway, Sam is still not sleeping in the morning, but the past two nights she has slept through the night. Pretty amazing.

Samantha is pulling herself up onto everything, but isn't as confident getting down. She gets stuck sometimes. Case in point. I just had to pull her off the stereo where she has pulled off the tapes and is yelling, I think, because she isn't sure how to get down. Hard to tell what the yelling is about sometimes.

Samantha had her first Halloween party yesterday. Sue and Steffie and the twins were here. Samantha was very tired with a fish painted on her face and rice cereal sticking her hair straight out on one side by the end of the evening. I think she really enjoyed her day. She wore a circle of fabric with fish all over it, and the fish on her face was a fish jumping out of the fishbowl. It was pretty fun. I might take Sam around to visit some of the neighbors I know. I'm going to try to post pictures on the site when I get a chance. The pictures still have to be downloaded. not enough hours in the day! Oh, Ella had a costume too, a little witch's hat that went really well with her orange and black fur.

Oh, yes, I fed Samantha in the kitchen today, and Ella will eat off the floor in the kitchen. But only in the kitchen. If we drop food on the floor of the dining room, we have to pick it up before we can get Ella to eat it. So this means that we have to feed Samantha in the kitchen if we want Ella's help in clean up.

She had her 9 month check up today. It was supposed to be a shot and blood drawn, but due to a nurse's injury, we didn't have to have the blood taken. Thank goodness. Samantha fell asleep on my shoulder while we asked Dr. Pangburn all our questions. I had to wake her up so she could get her shot, and that made it worse for all of us, I think. She really only cried for a few seconds, but I still hate it.

Her stats:

Length, 27 ¾ inches, 70th percentile
Head circumference 43 ½ centimeters, 40th percentile
Weight 16 pounds, 10 ounces, 30th percentile

He said she was "perfect" which is music to a mother's ears, as I am sure he well knows. He also said her gross motor skills were at the ten month level, not an eight month old. (they compare her growth to what she would have been if she had gone full term. A month early means a lot when she is under a year.) I agree that she is very strong, and pretty coordinated. She is already cruising when she holds things. Her favorite thing to do while I get her bath ready is to stand in front of the toilet and bang her hands on the lid. It gives a nice metallic bang when she whacks it. Her other favorite thing to do, less cute and far more annoying, is to screech at the top of her range with all her might. It is ear puncturing and you can't believe that comes out of such a little body. Nothing seems to stop it, well, eventually she moves onto other things.

Samantha and Hamlet had a tiff today, and I was glad I was right there. I had the kitchen door open, and they both wanted to sit and look outside. Samantha also wanted to 'pet' Hamlet, which involves mangling his silky fur. I saw him rear back and raise his paw, but he stopped when I yelled "no!" I dragged Samantha off to the side so he could escape, and he took off. I closed the door after that. No sense making trouble for them. They usually get along very well, and to Hamlet's credit, he put up with quite a bit before he warned her.

Samantha has pretty much outgrown all her 9 month clothes. Her toes poke right out the feet, those outfits that have feet. She has enough clothes for now, but we'll have to get some play outfits soon. I am really fussy about what they are. I don't like her to wear play suits with feet, and I want them to snap all the way down the front so it is easy to take on and off. I find that if I don't like an outfit aesthetically, then I never put it on her. I've bought things and gotten them home, only to realize it is ugly and I will never dress her in it. I did just get her a pretty purple dress, very fancy. It is purple organdy with silver accents and the top half is dark purple velvet. I am going to dress her in it to go to the grocery store, and everywhere else. She outgrows her clothes so fast!

She's still not interested in eating. We'll see if tomorrow is any different. Dr. Pangburn said not to worry. It may just be due to her sniffles (so she can't taste as well) or she just wants solid food.

Samantha had her first real interaction with the kitties today. She picked up the wire thingy that has paper bits on each end. As with everything else these days, she starts waving it around. Hamlet and Talia watch this with great interest. Then Hamlet pounces, and Talia isn't far behind. Sam's face is wreathed in smiles at the kitties antics and she puts down the toy to go pet Talia. Talia takes off at this point, but there was a moment of fun for all of them. Usually the cats just ignore her. Sam crawled over to Hamlet tonight and grabbed a handful of fur. Hamlet just leaped away and wouldn't go near her. I figure chasing the cats is a great way for her to learn how to crawl and walk. The cats can always outrun her.

Food issues again. Little sweetling has not eaten much in three days, although she has been drinking a lot of formula. Matt and the nurse Susan both suggested that perhaps Sam has just decided to feed herself and she wants more textured food. So, Sam's first meal consisted of: orbs of peas, pats of squash, strings of spaghetti, and strips of cantaloupe. It was funny to watch her take the spaghetti in her fists and fling her fists around, bits of spaghetti flipping here and there around her wrist. Some were flung a bit further, like the floor. I thought Ella would help with this mess, but it turns out Ella doesn't eat food off the floor, well, in the kitchen, maybe, but nowhere else. She would only eat the spaghetti if I picked it up and hand fed it to her. Sam has a very strong grip. She took the strips of cantaloupe and squeezed them into juice and pulp. She seemed to like the peas much more in the whole version than the pureed jar version. I would have to agree.

Did I say Matt has the gate up at the top of the stairs? He says he's a dad now, putting up gates. That and giving her a bottle, putting her to bed, giving her a bath. He's a pretty special dad, particularly when he lets her run her hands through her beard. Those little hands can pull pretty hard!

4:30 am. Yes, that is when I woke up because of Sam. Argh. I went for a walk with Ella at 7 and left Sam with Matt. He said she yelled for a half hour and slept at 8am. Ella and I had a nice walk and met a lady with a playful puppy that loved romping with Ella. I am truly exhausted now at 8:30 am and am going back to bed. Matt, poor guy, has to go to work. He was up at 5 to let Ella out and has been awake since 4:30 with me.

I told a friend the other day that I don’t feel like Sam’s mother. I feel like I get to tend her for a while, to guide her, but I don’t own her. She said she hoped I kept that perspective when Sam got older. I hope so too!

I’ve been thinking about what I said. While it is true that I don’t feel like a mom, perhaps it is because that word doesn’t really convey the full visceral feelings I have for her. I like to pretend that I am just tending her. I really don’t have grand plans for her, and I think I would be okay with pretty much anything she did as long as she was happy and not hurting people. There is a connection to her that is incredibly strong. I know, people out there go, yeah, that’s being a mom. My whole body sings when I am holding her and she laughs with me, or she snuggles in for a smooch. How can such a small word such as mother convey the extent of what I feel?

How do I tell if it is raining too hard for a baby? Well, first of all, I don't think babies melt in rain, so some rain is acceptable as long as it isn't cold. So I look to my boxer. If she refuses to go out, or if you manage to shove her out and she shivers and looks at you as if she's being tormented, then it is definitely raining too hard. If she goes out but turns around as soon as she has finished the 'essentials,' then it is still raining too hard. If she goes to the door, sniffs and trots out with delight, then it is raining just right. Of course, if a boxer trots outside with delight, it isn't raining -- at all. It isn't even wet. This is not a dog breed that likes water in any form.

Boxers are useful for other things as well. If Sam's diaper is full of smelly stuff, Ella sniffs a lot and licks her. If Sam is clean, Ella just sniffs once and leaves her pretty much alone. I guess that is why Sam sniffs like Ella, because she has heard it so much from Ella. She looks completely adorable as she sniffs (yes, that is purposefully ambiguous. They are both adorable when they sniff.) Some of our friends are concerned that perhaps Sam needs more human companions. I think that is funny. She will have plenty of exposure, I am quite sure.

I love my daughter. I love waking up in the morning just to see her sweet face, smiley or crying. I love watching her try something new, the way she so intently holds things in her hand, watches for a second, shoves it in her mouth, removes it, stares at it some more. She manipulates things with such intensity. I'd forgotten what that is like, since now I am usually doing five things at once and planning three more. She reminds me to stop for a moment and watch her. This is special magic, being a baby, and fleeting. I need to realize her sweetness now, for she is passing as she breathes into new worlds.

I think I figured out what to do for Halloween. I bought some fabric with fish on it. I will wrap it around her and call her a fishbowl. I am still trying to figure out what to do for a Halloween party. I guess when they are this young, we do the party for the adults.

She slept from 7:30 to 5 this morning, but she took pity (maybe?) on us and went back to sleep until 6:30. EIther that or she was playing quietly and I was too tired to wake up. Now she is crawling in the corner next to my chair over the three pillows to get to the wires and the trash bin. Did I mention that *nothing* stops this girl?

Samantha climbed two stairs today. She was in the living room and wanted to go to the landing for some reason, so she crawls over and climbs them. I sat with her as she went up the second step, but I didn't help other than to be ready to catch her if she fell. Wow. Every day there is some new milestone.

I think her tummy hurt today. She didn't eat much. SHe did keep down the formula, so I just kept offering her a bottle.

I found a great London Fog snow suit at a used clothing store for Sam. It will be really warm, and she should be able to wear it through the winter (room to grow into). Our neighbor, Becky, told me about the store. It's grungy, but that is just part of the charm.

Samantha is pulling herself up onto everything. One of her favorite things is to grab my (now) loose pants and pull herself up to a standing position while I am working at the kitchen sink. I get kind of nervous with this because it is a hard tile floor there, so I reach down and hold her until she sits back down again. I saw her standing in her crib yesterday and she was laughing and bouncing up and down on her mattress. She loves bouncy games. A week ago she was screaming when she stood up in her crib because she didn't know how to get back down. Now she sits down again like a pro.

I have to keep all the surfaces clear of clutter, too. In her efforts to climb and stand, she will grab at anything that hangs over the edge, and if it isn't secured (really, really secured. She's strong!) she pulls it off the table. I just pull it out of her hands for now and never leave her alone. She is pretty good with "no." She leaves the dog dish alone when I say "leave it." Yes, I use commands for simple things.

Such a fast crawler, too. I had to put her in her play yard when I was occupied hanging something so she wouldn't crawl down the stairs. The play yard seemed fine for about a half hour, which is good to know. Safe spots are very important right now! Oh, stairs. Well, four days ago she flipped over the three-inch high stair in the bedroom onto the sun porch and yelled. Three days ago she flipped and didn't yell. Yesterday she stumbled a little, and today she crawls over it as though it isn't even there. When Sam decides to go somewhere, there is no such thing as an obstacle in her way.

This turned out to be a glorious day. I managed to get the three of us out the door before Sam fell asleep, so she was awake for our walk. We ran into two women who had the nicest two dogs. One was a short Bernese Mountain Dog that tried very hard to herd Ella and the Rhodesian. Those two had a blast ignoring Claus and just rampaging around. Ella started bleeding again from her cut, but I'll clean it out and she'll be fine. We walked around the pond a bit on my favorite path with pine needles on the path and ferns everywhere. On the way back we were surrounded by a group of Martens (or maybe starlings - glistening smallish black birds) that were taking a morning constitutional in the reservoir and flying in swathes through the trees. Bark and leaves kept dropping from above, and the noise was quite raucous. Samantha just took it all in stride. She didn't seem to notice the birds much, actually. She kept leaning back and staring at me, but when I kissed her forehead, she just grinned and turned her head forward again. Oh, and she also kept rolling her head to the side, and when I loudly smooched that, she'd giggle and stare ahead again. She fell asleep as soon as I got her in the car, and stayed asleep when I put her in her crib. She is so sweet when she is just limp like that.

Yesterday Samantha started sniffing. She scrunches up her nose and sniffs the air or me during a hug. It is the cutest thing. I couldn't imagine what she was doing, but then I realized, she is mimicking Ella! When I sniff back, she giggles outrageously. Ella goes up to her and sniffs her all over to make sure that Sam is clean enough, well, clean according to dog standards. Ella is constantly trying to clean off Sam's drool. It is sweet of Ella to tend Sam as she would her own pup. I just get such a kick out of Sam's sniffing. Have to laugh out loud every time she does it. She is very pleased with herself too.

I forgot lots of things, but the other one that comes to mind now is the pink teddy bear that plays the teddy bear picnic. I use it to keep her on her changing table. Instead of her flipping herself off the table, she hugs the bear in close and giggles to the music. I think she likes her special bear.

Gifts: I thank people when we receive them, but people never know if we actually use them or not. I hesitate to say things because I don't want to leave anyone out, but some of this I can't bear to leave out. (Talia is sitting on my chest, purring and doing her best to obscure the keyboard.)

Patricia wove a green and pink blanket that is the softest thing I have ever felt, well, other than the seal fur coat. I didn't dare to use it for a while, but lately it seems just the thing to keep her warm in her car seat. (she needs a new car seat, the imp has grown so long.) I put the blanket in the crib with her, just next to her. She touched it with her hands, moved her face over next to it and gave a big smile to herself. She was very content.

I take my sister Pat's quilt with me all sorts of places. I put it on the grass in the back and we sit under the maple tree and watch the leaves blow in the wind. I take it to the Mother's group too, and people ooh and aah over how pretty it is and how lucky I am to know someone as talented as that quilt shows. I always mention that Sam's cousins helped to make it too, that it represents hugs from all of them. Lately, now that it is cold, I put it over her in the crib and over both of us when I have to get up in the middle of the night. It is nice and wide so it will cover her no matter how far she wiggles, and it covers my lap too when I have to stay with her for a while. I can't always find my bathrobe at 3 am, so the quilt is a godsend, and it is nice to think of my family in the wee hours of the morning.

Sam makes lots of noise with the star tower that Kelly gave her and chews on the round face that goes on top. It keeps her occupied for a while. Ella is jealous, and it is pretty funny to watch her face as she tries to figure out where the sound is coming from. Sam also likes the simple things, like a spoon. Peggy suggested it. A spoon bangs, feels good on her gums, and I don't mind if she loses it. The spoon is one of the few toys that she won't drop on the floor.

We have a book, "Guess How Much I Love You" that a friend gave us. I had to read it a few times before I caught on that it was written with the Dad putting his son to bed. It is hard to find children's books with nurturing fathers in them, and I am grateful to Shannon for finding it for us.

Samantha gave her daddy another rough morning while I went to my doctor's appointment. No nap, just wiggles and yelling. Whew! I'm glad I wasn't there for that! But I missed her anyway. Even if I am just gone for a couple of hours, I hold her close for a second (which is all she'll stay still for) and give her a smooch. My heart flips a little and I think how wonderful she is for a moment. Then we are off to the day-to-day stuff again. Today Matt rushed for work (I was an hour late getting back from the doctor's) and I fed Sam. She started yelling towards the end, so I put away half her lunch and packed her off to bed. She seemed relieved to read Goodnight Moon at first, but then didn't even get past the first few pages before she twisted around, climbed up my shoulder and snuggled in. I had to hold her for a bit before she could stop crying and settle down, but then she was just passed out. She slept for a good two hours. Yay!

Ella wanted to play really badly and kept flipping her ears. Ella knows that Sam often wakes up at the noise and then the three of us have fun together. I swear, sometimes I want to pin her ears to her neck so Sam can sleep!

Sam is almost nine months, and is starting to grow out of the 9 month outfits we got for her. Sigh. Such a big girl, and a big personality.

Blogger has evidently been broken for who knows how long, and new posts have not been appearing. I think I've corrected the problem (they removed the template we were using without telling us), but you will probably need to visit the archives page to catch up on things you've missed.

Still no new entries from me in a while, but I'll be working on correcting that soon, too.

Sam is on the floor in the den, madly rummaging in the video cassettes and mangling the controls of the audio receiver. I can understand now why a friend of ours said they had to call customer support to get the controls back to normal. Those little minds are very creative when it comes to pushing buttons. I have every faith that Matt will be able to fix it. She has gotten very good at turning anything on. She has a puzzled expression on her face when I use the remote to turn it off. She looks like she's thinking "wait, I didn't touch it but something happened?"

She is wearing pants for 12 months. They are only a little long. Yikes! I think she is long for her age, but we'll see when she has her 9 month checkup at the doctors on the 30th.

I want to take Sam trick or treating, just so I can dress her in costume. Pat tells me that people might think I was a little weird to do that, and she is right. I just want to dress her up! I haven't got anything made, but I could think of something. Maybe I'll try to get some moms together in the neighborhood and have them come to my house in costume. Knowing my luck, they'll all be fundamentalist Christian and accuse me of devil worshipping. Well, I do worship Matt, but it isn't quite the same thing.

Samantha is gorgeous. I do think she just shines with happiness and strength of purpose. She gave me a big smile this morning. I think she has been awake for a while and was just playing quietly in her crib. I got up because it was 8am and time to start the day. Everything seems to start better when Samantha smiles. She was sitting in my lap after her bottle, squirming to go explore. I started bouncing her and singing "Pony Boy" and her whole face lit up. When I stopped, she smiled, no, grinned, and started bouncing on her own. Well, I can take an obvious hint, so we did "Pony Boy" a few more times. She loves a lot of physical interaction now. "Itsy Bitsy Spider" when the spider crawls up her, the rain slides down her and the sun rises up her is also a favorite, but "Pony Boy" trumps all so far.

Samantha has taken to crawling everywhere now with a confidence and eagerness that thrills me with pride at the same time I am wincing. Why wincing, you ask? Because with that new ability to explore comes a certain amount of bumps and she yells pretty loudly. I run over and smooch her and everything is fine. I want her to explore, but I don't want her to get hurt. Makes me think of a conversation I had with my sister about her 14 year old. I think this is a dichotomy that will last me the rest of my life. For example, I want her to see the world, but I don't want her to dance in a nightclub in Bali.

Samantha is sitting up very steadily now. She is really crawling now, no more laying on the floor in between steps. She pulls herself up onto almost everything and stands for a while. Getting back down is not so easy. I have to rescue her now and then when she starts shrieking for help. I'm sure she'll get there eventually.

The Bjorn Carrier is too small for Samantha now. The limit is 26 inches and Sam is 27 inches now. That and she is quite heavy to carry in the front. I have to find a backpack to carry her instead. I can't figure out how to dress her for hiking in the cold. Her hands are getting cold, so I need mittens for her, but how can I get her to keep her mittens on? I'll figure something out, I'm sure. We are having a lot of fun treking through the woods. Hard to imagine this time last year I was just getting rounded in my pregnancy and about to go on bedrest. It will be nice to be mobile this year. Weehah!

Peekaboo is the new game. She loves it when I hide behind something and come out winking and fluttering my eyelashes at her. Yesterday when I hid for a second, she got scared. Today she giggles. Her mind is growing at an astonishing pace. Her other favorite toys are a wooden spoon (nice noise, good to chew on) a small ball, a rattle (bought a new one after I lost her first one) and her saucer. She isn't so interested in playing with the toys. She just likes bouncing up and down and making loud noises. Scares Ella a bit, but we are adjusting. Ella has a lot of adjusting to look forward to. Samantha's noise making capacity is only going to increase over the next few years. Good thing Ella is such a steady pup.

I sang the shabbos blessings over the candles and wine tonight, and I could hear Samantha giggling in the background. She loved the singing and the candles. I think that God listens more closely to blessings that arrive on the wings of a child's laugh.

It is windy and spitting wet today, but I have a very antsy puppy and a girl that wants to move! So we go walking in the Fells. We go through the woods, stopping for Sam to touch the trees. She reaches for the branches as we go through the path off the main road. This is the au naturel girl, definitely. Ella is now limping, Samantha is squirming to find a place to lay her head in the Bjorn carrier, and the rain is getting heavier. I turn to head home, and luckily it isn't far away. Her arms go limp, her head falls back, and I know she is asleep. She doesn't even wake up when I put her in the car. Ella hops in the back to get out of the rain and we are off home again, where we can all be snug and warm and have our naps. Ella is already snoring in her doughnut bed, and Sam has stopped yelling and is quietly sleeping with her butt in the air.

Samantha is 27 inches. She is big, but my arms seem to have caught up, so she feels little again. I have to move fast now to get her before she reaches Ella's dishes. She loves having water all over the floor. We went to Mahoney's today and stood in front of the birdcage for a while. They have four different breeds of songbirds, mated pairs, in the very large cage. They look very happy and are very pretty. We'll have to go visit again soon. Samantha seemed content to watch.

She woke up at 5:30 this morning. I hate that. I just don't function well. We went back to sleep at 8, and slept until 10am. That helped a lot.

There are moments in the life that are exquisitely precious, and I've just had one of them. I'm sitting in the green chair holding Sam tight and smooching her cheek. I'm holding her tight to help her settle down to her nap, and I'm smooching her cheek because it's there. She is giggling. Sweet soft giggles of pure fun. So I smooch her some more. Then I start giggling and neither of us can stop and the giggles escalate. I pull back to see her face, and she grabs my hair, pulls me close and lands a big wet one right on my face. Then we snuggle in together again and start giggling.

Precious, priceless.

She did fall asleep, eventually.

Yesterday was a bit traumatic for me. Samantha suddenly got very good at pulling herself up, and Matt and I had to forgo Sam's morning nap so we could lower her crib enough. We didn't want her throwing herself over the side. She seems very happy with the new level in her crib.

I have been going crazy with her not sleeping at night, so I decided to try something new last night and let her cry for 10 minutes to start with and then go in and comfort her. I went through the routine, soft lights, music, "Goodnight Moon." The only thing different was that I put her down when she was completely awake. She cried for 5 minutes, went to sleep and didn't make a peep until 6 am this morning. Wow! I think she was just ready to do it and tired last night, but I was very pleased anyway. This morning she is babbling ba, da sounds, smiling to herself and is generally an extremely happy baby with a fascination for my toes and the computer cords.

Our daughter is a "no quit" kind of girl. Stays up all night and won't quit when she has things that need doing. Matt seems to think she gets that from him. Hmph! She was awake for three hours from 1 to 4 this morning. Then she wouldn't take a nap, so I said the heck with it and went to the bike path to walk us, particularly Ella. Usually the rhythm and bouncing on the path puts her right to sleep in her carriage, but not today. She didn't sleep until we had walked for a half hour, and then she slept through the rain, getting in and out of the car, and me unbuckling her. She woke up as soon as I lifted her, so I fed her. I thought, she only had a 45 minute nap, she should be tired, right? No. I tried putting her to bed at her regular time, 2 pm. She played for half and hour, then cried for ten minutes. So I took her downstairs while I made cake for Shabbos, and she didn't start fussing until 3:45. She finally is sleeping at 4pm. I can't believe she kept going. Her eyes are beet red and dark circles all around them.

Today I set Samantha down on the floor in the dining room, and when I looked over, she was almost standing. She was on her hands with her feet flat on the floor and her knees bent, as though she was just going to straighten up and stand. She shocks me by the hour now. She also grabbed onto a lower shelf (a sturdy one, thank goodness) and started to pull herself upright. She is not supposed to be able to do that yet! I'm not telling her that, of course. Her face is filled out and looks different to me today. Her personality is really coming out now, as she becomes more aware that she is a separate person. I think that is partly why she looks different, that and her face is growing, getting broader. She is a charmer, very sweet and loving. She grabs hold of my hair, drags me down to her face and plants a big wet one on my cheek. Then she gives me a big hard squeeze with her whole body. I feel like a million bucks when she does that. I hope she never stops.

I don't know what happened, but Samantha slept from 7 to 7 today. She only got 2 hours of naps yesterday, maybe that was part of it, and she ate a ton of food. I think it is time to try her on more solid food. Oops! Sam is on the floor of the den and has graduated from the first tier of videotapes and is now sticking her fingers on the stereo equipment. I hope she doesn't damage that as easily as she has these laptops. She's ruined three keyboards in one month. Turns out the keys pop off really easily and don't pop back on at all. Can we say "choking hazard?" We always close the laptops shut now when we aren't using them.

Samantha met her first author yesterday. He wrote a book about meeting dogs at the pound that isn't supposed to be depressing. I haven't read it yet. He took the time to draw a little cartoon along with the signature and seemed very nice. He wasn't someone I had ever heard of, but what the heck? Samantha seems to love doggies, so I figured she would like a book about them. Sam yells at Ella if Ella comes into a room and doesn't kiss her, or if Ella leaves the room. Sam is getting very particular about what she eats and how much. Rice cereal was bad for a little bit, as was peas. Peas are still bad. She lets me know when she wants to be picked up by stretching her arms wide and waving them around. She is starting that process of separation, realizing that we are not the same body. I want her to be independent, I just have to accept her growing up. I just remember the little bundle she used to be and get a little wistful sometimes.